I really hate my life....

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 01:06:38 +0100

I just really need to get this off my chest...this is for myself more than anything but anyone is free to read it....

I really hate my life....I just feel so down all the time...I keep wondering when it will get better and it never does, it's always one shit event after another...Maybe im cursed and doomed a life of misery, i honestly can't remember any times i have been really happy. From a child to a 31 year old i've been stuck in a revolving door of unhappiness, my life story is like a bad soap opera that just never ends...

I was born onto a fairly wealth family but from the moment i was born and before i could walk i lost my mother, to this day all i have of her are a few photos of her...This was painful enough growing up but what made it worse was that my father (who owned a very lucrative restaurant business) spend a huge amount of his money on private hospitals and the best medical care in the world to try and cure my mother of her illness and because he was looking after my mother he left his younger sister (my aunt) to look after his business, unfortunately my aunt (with not much experience) made a mistake with a food order and my father got sued and we lost the vast majority of our money and my father was on the brink of backruptsy. This was a very low point in our lives...

Growing up with my widowed dad with my elder brother and sister was very difficult for my father, so from a very early age we were virtally brought up by my grandmother, more so myself than my siblings as I was the youngest (4 and 6 yrs diffence). We gradually got into a routine and my father started picking up the pieces of our shattered lives...forward a couple of years my father had relaunched the old restaurant (with massive bank loans and borrowed money), that's when he met my soon to be step mother, initially she was kind and sweet and seemed to want to do everything for us, she was working as an au pair for a wealthy family we knew, nothing was too much trouble. She now had our attention and 3 sad and lonely children latched onto her seeking the love we craved and missed. My father also felt he was letting us down because he was never there for us, although he did everything he could, and deep down he needed companionship as much as we did...They had a whirlwind romance and he was quicky taken in and was smitten, they quickly married and almost as fast got pregnant...this was the begining of the real dark years...

We were happy at first to see our father happy but we didn't know what was going to hit us...First she kept up her act and cleaned and tidied after us but it wasn't to last long...after the initial breaking in period her mask began to slip and would have mood swings and be very agressive and unpredictable, the brunt of her anger would be vented at my grandmother, she would have blazing rows and slang matches at a drop of a hat. But that was just the start of it, soon after my step sister was born....

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